Message from The Author: Poem about my struggles.

Amazing 

.

I used to be 

So strong 

Special 

Driven 

Doing so much 

So brave 

Working hard 

Not giving up 

Beloved and admired 

Talented 

Inspiring others 

Helping others 

Full of joy 

Finding meaning in darkness 

.

Now I struggle 

I feel weak 

And cannot 

Do so much 

And succeed like before 

My depression and anxiety Handicap me 

Slow me down 

Paralyze me sometimes 

Crippling my soul 

Crippling my dreams 

I lose myself 

Letting illness take over 

Feeling worthless 

And that I’ve fallen 

And l’ve failed in my mission in life 

.

Yet when I see myself 

Through the prisms 

Of real life 

Of our journeys 

And the mountains 

That dot our paths 

And the boulders 

And quicksand 

Crawling and sinking 

.

And getting back up

Muddy and smelly 

Sweaty and bruised 

Wet and shivering 

And sometimes 

So behind 

And falling each time 

I take another step 

Others higher 

Seemingly taunting me 

And some do yell 

And shame me 

And I shame myself 

While sinking in quicksand 

Of shame and pity 

And worthlessness and hopelessness Yet I keep crawling 

Keep swimming 

I have fans 

And tools 

And I work every moment 

To strengthen myself 

To be able to climb 

Higher and more smoothly 

.

Am I lost 

Have I failed 

Once I was running 

Up the mountain 

And helping others 

And myself 

With a stronger 

Self worth 

And joy 

And now 

I’m not 

.

But I’m climbing 

Up my mountain 

This part of my journey 

Is strewn with more 

Quicksand and hail 

More rocks and fog 

.

And now I have to crawl 

And I sink sometimes

And it’s harder to inspire 

My self and others 

And it’s harder to be strong 

.

Yet I’m climbing 

And this is part of my journey And I’m heading up the mountain And my scrapes and mud Are badges 

Of honor 

Proof of my strength 

And that I am special 

In a different way 

And that I can still 

Inspire 

And help others 

And dream 

And reach goals and dreams Maybe more slowly 

Maybe less pretty 

Maybe less smoothly 

Maybe less strongly 

But I’m climbing 

And that makes me 

Amazing