The following piece was selected as one of the winners of this year’s Refuat Hanefesh Creative Expression Contest. Age group: High School. It has been lightly edited. 

 

Message from the Author: This poem is about the impact a short message or real interaction can have and what looking behind the mask of another person can do for that person.

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You judge me every time I move

You think you know me but I don’t think you do

You see the outside; you don’t know what’s beneath

You see my actions but you don’t see me

You see my flaws, my failures, my mistakes

 

You don’t know how hard I try to stay awake

See me during the day and I might look like a mess

But I’m just too tired to even try to impress

And then when I lie in bed at night

My eyes wide open the memories so bright

 

 

No one knows my story, my despair, and my pain

No one’s ever asked me, so quiet I remain

But you don’t know about the night

You don’t know about my loneliness inside

People say time heals all wounds but this is more like cancer to me

My heart all dead, I’m all dying but you don’t see

 

Maybe you don’t even wanna know

Maybe you like to think it’s real whatever I show

Maybe you think the fake smile is representing truth

I put on makeup and pretend I’m enjoying youth

 

 

 

But then when I lie in bed at night

The memories killing me but no tears left inside

Maybe my only way is truly suicide

Coz no one tells me my heart is still alive

 

So, while I’m preparing to end my life and pain

I can not see that I’m actually hoping at waiting

For someone to see me, to ask me how I feel

Just one person would be enough and I’d drop the whole deal

 

 

Then on my screen a message from an old friend

I click on it, but don’t know what he would send

It’s about Kevin Hines and his survived suicide

At first I roll my eyes and wanna walk away and hide

But I’m staring at the man there talking about the value of life

 

And my heart, it aches again like someone stabbed it with a knife

That was the moment that I realized

I was not dead yet, I had hope inside

I might have insomnia, pain and regrets

But hope is one thing a heart never forgets

 

 

So don’t judge, instead just ask

Don’t be afraid to make a start

Those little acts are worth it, those little acts count

They can save a life

 

 

 

Please click here to read other pieces pertaining to suicidal ideation

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