Poetry: My Journey of Perpetual Darkness

The following poem was selected as the 2nd place winner of 2021’s Refuat Hanefesh Creative Expression Contest.

Age Group: Adult

When you livin my life, you turn to God regardless of your faith.

When you livin my life, you cry out desperate from the pain.

When you livin my life, you await for sleep that ain’t no came

When you livin my life, you cry each morn that you awake. 


Tu those people in ma life I known fa years, 

Been close fa years, been tied together through life measures They slowly drift away pick up the pace 

continue on their way. 


Heart Racin head ain’t runnin 

Out of order bright flashy sign 

Y’all can’t see y’all don’t know ya expect the same ain’t understand ma brain 


You say ya know pain adults say they know what real you kid yaself ain’t know what’s up 

Just a child of fifteen shipped off to battle 

Nah it wasn’t sea 

No choice in da matter I was sent away 

Because they found out I was different 

A secret to be held 


I can’t go down that memory lane 

I pushed so far down 

You’d need a crane 

But I learnt humans are terrible 

Life can be worse than hell 

You can be livin 

But nah that’s not livin that’s not livin 


But ya heart beating ya breathin 

Oh Lord to you They Praise 


But that big little girl 

Heart broken in pain 


Years gone by 

Same words I hear 

It will get better smiling ear to ear 


NOOOO stop! 

Hope is the blindness of the world

It keeps people going 

And tears others apart 


Is not Reality 

Time comes when you gotta face The truth the time stopin deafening truth 


Head plays a continuous beat 

Tylenol Advil repeat 

My heart is hurting 

It aches 

It’s pain 

Not dull 


Like a knife 

Going through and through 

I feel it physically in my chest 

I don’t know why but it spreads. Torn apart 


When it’s light you awaken 

But the dark you pray 

The truth had been 

Maybe still is 

You want 


A life 

Full of passion 

Where one can breathe 

And feel the sun 

Not just crushin and crumbling Under the weight of something Smiling, joy 

Does that exist in me 

Is it an option I’ll ever be free 


I want dreams 

I want to be allowed 

Not restricted limited 


Tossin, turnin 

No where to go, no where to hide Layin in the dark 

But it isn’t night 

Shut off the light 

Turn down the sound

But my heart keeps thudding Silent it won’t become 


Sweating out the drugs 

Pain envelops me 

The substance that failed to help me Didn’t do no good 

Didn’t do notin 


For the darkness came 

And held me captive 

Sinking, drowning 

Death awaited with open doors Smiling it beckoned 


Drained of the substances 

He had me put 

In my body 


Addicted but no addiction 

Had a prescription 

That ain’t matter


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